Two Plasma Interpretations of Portions of Revelation


Since posts on the subject of plasma cosmology and interplanetary interpretations of prophecy have already been written, in this post I will avoid expounding on particulars such as the sun darkened, moon turning to blood, hail mingled with fire, beasts, olive trees, thunderings and lightnings, etc. and focus on the new pieces of information I have received.

Even though I just said that — as an introduction, I will state here that it is my understanding that the prophetic narratives in scripture take as their template events that unfold in the heavens:  i.e. the movements of planets and their interactions with each other.  “Prophecy” is merely the description of planetary movements and plasma interactions.

The imagery in a prophetic story is imagery observed in the sky.  The mention of a “sword”, doesn’t mean a literal, physical sword floating around in outer space – but that there are planetary movements and plasma formations that, when seen from the perspective of Earth, create the image of a sword.

Prophecy is simply the movements of planetary bodies and the resulting plasma interactions, converted into a narrative that describe patterns that likewise play out in earthly evens.  Meaning that after the planets go through their described motions, fulfilling the elements of the prophecy every whit – the same story then plays out here on Earth.

The planets are not just big physical balls of gas and rock – but they are also the idea of what those planets mean – the planets being used as a way to represent a pattern of things taking place among mankind [or within yourself] as thought it is a physical event transpiring in the sky.

Mankind has a natural tendency or instinct to worship, which is tied to what happens in the heavens, among the planets. This is because human brain cycles are tied to the cycles of the heavenly bodies (planets, sun, comets, etc.), and when the planets are active, the urge to worship comes as a fanatical devotion.  This urge is as basic as our sexual urge and is a part of our natural state of existence [meaning atheism, like monogamy, is a more recent human invention].

When the heavens are active, the devil’s strategy is to direct that fanatical devotion in the wrong direction by introducing idolatry.  However, when the skies are asleep [like they are right now], the instinct to worship does not pull on us as greatly and so the devil works to suppress the urge to worship altogether.

Now — with that in mind, I want to introduce the following post as a new piece of information that I received with respect to two particular portions of the Book of Revelation.  In this post, I will not go into the planetary interpretations of the trumpet blasts, earthquakes, lightnings, moon turning to blood, the two witnesses, etc.  Nor will I go into the various earthly interpretations that these events may also represent.

Piece of Information #1:  When the calamities associated with the Book of Revelation begin to unfold, mankind is going to respond one of two ways. 

A Planet and a Plasma Column Descending to the Earth:

And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne.  And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.

And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices:

The one who sits on the throne is the planet known as God, or Elohim.  His throne is a pillar or column of a plasma channel that reaches down to the earth.

Four Planetary Pass-bys Affect the Unrighteous of the Earth:

And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him.

A planetary body passes by that appears white in color, with a plasma discharge resembling a bow at the South pole and a crown at the North.

And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill on another: and there was given unto him a great sword.

A planetary body passes by that appears red in color, with a plasma discharge resembling a sword.

According to Velikovsky, “The Roman god Mars was pictured with a sword, and he became the god of war.  Of this same sword Isaiah spoke when he predicted the repetition of the catastrophe, a stream of brimstone, flame, storm, and reeling of the sky.  The ancients classified the comets according to their appearance.  In old astrological texts, as in the book of Prophecies of Daniel, comets that took the form of a sword were originally related to the planet of Mars,” — which planet just so happens to be red in color.

But that’s just my speculation on this particular planetary body.

And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.

A planetary body passes by that manifests no color, with a plasma discharge resembling a pair of balances on either side.

And I looked, and behold a pale [green] horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

A final planetary body passes by that is green in color, with an orbiting satellite.

There was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth.

And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; And said to the mountains and rocks, “Fall on us, and hid us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb.”

The effect of these four near pass-bys of planetary bodies is a great earthquake, the sun being darkened, the moon glowing red, and asteroids falling to the earth.  When these events start to unfold, the great men of renown on the earth will seek out their underground compounds to hide from the asteroid collisions.  Others will merely seek out caves and mountain hiding places.

The Righteous do not seek Refuge Underground:

I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands; And cried with a loud voice, saying, “Salvation to our God which sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb.”

These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.  Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.  They shall hunger no more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat.  For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

The meek of the earth will not seek refuge in underground compounds.  Rather, they will gather together under the shadow of the God who sitteth on the throne [within the plasma column].  Here, in his “temple”, the righteous will be fed by precipitating carbohydrate compounds [manna] and fountains of water.

Piece of Information #2:  The woman clothed with the sun and her relationship to the Babylon the whore.

A Planet Ready to Birth a Rocky Satellite:

A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve starts: And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.

The woman is a radiant [or discharging] planet that is about to give birth to a rocky satellite out of one of her polar openings.

A Red Planet Attempts to Destroy the Birthed Satellite:

A great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.  And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

The great red dragon is a planetary body that displays a plasma discharge characterized by ten horn-like projections with seven orbiting satellites.  It will resemble a comet [because it will have a tail].  The Red Planet travels near to where the radiant Woman Planet is in an attempt to destroy the rocky satellite that she is about to expel.

The Woman Planet Births the Rocky Satellite:

And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne.

After the rocky satellite comes out of one of the polar openings, it is captured by the gravity of the planet seated on the plasma “throne” where it will orbit – and not be destroyed by the Red Planet.

And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that they should feed her there a thousand two hundred and threescore days.

After the birthing process, the Woman Planet departs to a different place in the sky, low on the horizon.

The Servant Planet Michael Wars with the Red Planet:

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven.  And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world; he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

The Servant Planet known as Michael and his accompanying Servant Planets come in and scatter the Red Planet and cause it to be cast down low on the horizon.

The Red Planet Persecutes the Woman Planet:

“Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them.  Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea!  for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.”

And when the dragon saw that he was cast unto the earth, he persecuted the woman which brought forth the man child.  And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly unto the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent.

And the serpent cast out of his mouth water as a flood after the woman, that he might cause her to be carried away of the flood.  And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the flood which the dragon cast out of his mouth.  And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

Now that the Red Planet is cast low on the horizon, it is near to where the Woman Planet traveled.  This Planet then manifests a plasma discharge resembling wings and travels out of sight below the horizon and out of the scene [for the time being].

The Two Beasts:

I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.  And the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

And all the world wondered after the beast.  And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, “Who is like unto the beast?  who is able to make war with him?”

The first beast is a planetary body that arises up from the horizon over an ocean, discharging ten horn-like projections and having seven orbiting satellites – much like the Red Planet earlier.  At this point, the interplanetary displays between the Red Planet and this new beast will cause real idolatry to return.

And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.  And he exerciseth all the power of the first beast before him, and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast.  And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on earth in the sight of men.

And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast.  And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.  And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their forehead: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.  For it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.

The second beast is a planetary body that arises up from the horizon over the land, discharging two horn-like projections.

Babylon:

And great Babylon came in remembrance before God, to give unto her the cup of the wine of the fierceness of his wrath.

And every island fled away, and the mountains were not found.  And there fell upon men a great hail out of heaven, and men blasphemed God because of the plague of the hail; for the plague thereof was exceeding great.

“Come hither; I will show unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters: With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.”

So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns.  And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand.

“I will tell thee the mystery of the woman, and of the beast that carrieth her, which hath the seven heads and ten horns.”

The great Babylon is the same planet that had previously appeared as the radiant Woman Planet who birthed the rocky satellite.  After the manifestation of the plasma wings, the Woman Planet descended below the horizon – where she will reappear after “coming in remembrance before God”, who is that Planet who sits on the plasma “throne”.

The Queen of Heaven, or Virgin Mother, returns as Babylon the Whore.  Both of these characters in the story a different representations of the same planetary body.  Once it returns, the planet will form a polar stack with the planet that arose from the horizon above the ocean [the first beast].  And this event is the final event before the massive EEAAOOAAEE Planet returns to our solar system and encapsulates the earth in its plasma cocoon for the duration of the Millennium.

At first, I didn’t understand what it meant that I was being shown that the Woman clothed with the sun is the same as the Whore.  From Catholic school, I know that the Catholics associate this imagery with the Virgin Mary – so it was strange for me to think about this planet also being the Whore.

As I read through some material to see what might explain this dream, I came to realize that it all has to do with my perspective.

Clothed, she is the Mother.  Virgin because she is not yet known.  But upon her return she is the Whore, revealing herself to all mankind, that they all may know her – for in the scriptural language, “to know” expresses the sexual union.

And Adam knew his wife, and she bare unto him sons and daughters, and they began to multiply and to replenish the earth.

We needn’t think that the “Whore” is an insult to the “Mother”.  Sex and nudity get labeled as vulgar or shameful because they represent the denial of individuality [the left-brain, masculine dynamic].  With sex, because it is the complete reception of another [becoming one flesh] – and with nudity because, well, we all look the same naked.  Clothed, I can distinguish myself into rank, class, or social group – but naked, I am Adam, retelling the creation drama of the garden of Eden.

So — she returns from her place in the wilderness, nourished, and now known as revelation — because she is fully revealed.  Of course, “revelation” is merely the Latin way of saying “apocalypse”, or the end of the world.  And it is her return that is the world’s destruction.

The cup of wine that she carries was given to her by God when she came in remembrance before Him.  It is the sacred cup – the sangreal – the bottomless chalice of compassion that King Arthur’s knights sought after so diligently, carrying their swords.  Which is, of course, the job of the knight – to break down the tower that holds the princess captive, to liberate her – to immerse the will in charity.

Thus, she is the Mother because of her compassion.  But the Whore because she receives all who come unto her and stoops low enough to encompass all things.  She represents the Heavenly Mother – the Womb that yields and receives, endlessly.  The outer darkness into which the Father’s seed will expand for ever and ever.

The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him, to shew unto his servants things which must shortly come to pass…

Jesus’ revelation will end the world as we know it – what we would call an apocalypse.  But the power by which God works is agency, meaning He only works through free agents choosing to act by way of persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, etc. [without compulsory means].  And Jesus showed the world what the kingdom looks like by the miraculous works of the Father that He manifested – showing us how to end the reign of the four horsemen and establish the Reign of God.

Those works that He did are what bring about an apocalypse – but we [as free agents] must do those works for it to become reality – instead of just being the idea of Zion.

Next Article by Justin: Split-brain Model of the Gospel: The Fall of Man

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Spicing up your church experience


Combating Cultural Mormonism with a Little Anarchy

In my estimation, there seems to be a growing number of LDS that are starting to recognize the difference between doctrinal Mormonism and cultural Mormonism, with a discontent concerning the latter.

I, personally, worry that cultural Mormonism is killing too many of these good people with boredom.  So, if there are any out in Cyberspace who are tired of the Utah culture being exported to every part of the globe, here are some suggestions from your friendly, neighborhood LDS Anarchist to spice up your church experience and bring a little leavening to the doughy masses.

Feel free to run with any of them and to encourage your LDS and, depending on the suggestion, non-LDS friends to do the same.  With enough people doing the following small things, the church will quickly be de-culturalized, leaving only doctrinal Mormonism left.  But even if only a very few people do these things, it will still cause a tremendous shift of attitude among the saints and bring about significant cultural change.  Lastly, if it is only you working, and you are not having any effect, at all, upon the Cult of Conformity, at least you will have de-culturalized yourself and removed much of the boredom you might have been going through.

Bring back the visual cues of manhood

  • Men and boys, grow your beards out.

This is a very easy thing to do, as there is nothing that needs to be done.  It is a passive act.  You simply allow the facial hair to grow out.  This will save you time, energy, electricity (for electric shavers), damage to the skin (no more nicks and cuts) and money (no more shaving equipment needed.)

Many men desire to grow a beard but use the excuse that it grows out in patches and ends up looking horrible, so they cut it.  The truth of the matter is that if you just let the hair grow, even the patches start to sprout hair and eventually everything looks even and full, but sometimes it may take six months for a very patchy man to have a full beard.  A little patience is all it takes.

Teenage boys of 15 and 16, when they start to notice that their peach fuzz is turning into terminal hairs, will immediately start shaving it off.  This is a mistake, as the facial hair is a visual cue that manhood is now upon them.

Young men, aren’t you tired of people treating you like a child?  Grow your facial hair out and watch how quickly people begin treating you as a more mature individual.  Watch the reaction of your parents, male peers, school teachers and the young women of your age.  A beard is a very strong visual cue of manhood and everyone will start to treat you as an adult, especially when your voice deepens.  Remember, things should match.  A deep voice goes with a full beard.  A high pitched voice goes with a clean-shaven (boyish) face.  These visual and audible cues were given to us by God on purpose.

Men, unless you are in a profession that requires you to be clean-shaven, let the hair grow out into a full, bushy beard.  Ditch the fads and trends of trimming into this or that beard style.  You don’t need a goatee, you need a full beard.  You were created in the image of God.  He’s got a full beard.  You’re supposed to have one, too.  Be like God in heart and look like God in image. Don’t trim his image.  If the mustache gives you trouble when you eat, or if you find that the beard becomes a “flavor saver” (because food gets stuck in it), just exercise the patience of the saints and let it grow until it is long enough to no longer get in the way.

Now, I say grow a full, bushy, untrimmed beard because that is the most manly of beards. Short beards, even when full, indicate young men, whose beards have not yet attained the length of a fully grown man.

Women, compliment your husbands and sons on the fine beards they are growing.  You are hard-wired to find beards attractive.  Why?  Because beards are manly, and women love manliness.  So, dump all the (beardless) Roman and (beardless) homosexual propaganda that has filled your head and embrace the real image of Christ. You don’t want a beardless Roman, now do you?  Remember, the beardless Romans killed the bearded Christ.  You want a Christ-like man, right?  So, encourage the growing of the beard, ladies.  Besides, you know that women constantly complain of how grown, adult men act like immature 12-year olds, right?  Well, have you ever considered that they act like 12-year olds because they still look like 12-year olds?  Can you really expect your men to grow up and be adults if they just look like bigger versions of beardless kids?

Men, women and children should consider the functions of the full beard and respect them.  Here are some examples:

  • Beards come in quite handy during intimacy.  (I ain’t gonna elaborate on this one.)
  • Beards help to develop the manual dexterity of infants and toddlers, who, as they are held by their fathers, grasp the beard, which fully develops the hand and fingers of the child.
  • Beards help to distinguish the father from the mother in the eyes of the child, causing them to view the sexes as very, very different.  (“Viva la difference!” as the French say.)  This causes young girls to develop into very feminine women and young boys to develop into very masculine men.
  • Bearded men (full, bushy beards, mind you, not the sissy trimmed beards) elicit an involuntary reaction upon all who see them.  Beards emit power and virility and evoke instant respect.  Big, clean-shaven men with tattoos all over the place, piercings, etc., who look for confrontations, involuntarily avoid bearded men because they don’t feel manly in the presence of bearded men.  In point of fact, bearded men look upon beardless men as less manly.
  • When two bearded men enter an area and spot each other, they are naturally drawn to each other, involuntarily complimenting the other for their fine facial hair.  (This is significant, as men normally do not give compliments of appearance to one another.)  A bearded man talking to another bearded man feels like he is talking to a man. A bearded man talking to a beardless man feels like he is talking to a boy. All beardless men know this, or feel this inferiority of manliness when in the presence of fully bearded men.  There is no worse feeling to a man than to feel less than manly.
  • Conversely, there is no greater feeling to a woman than to feel feminine, but femininity must be contrasted with masculinity to get its greatest effect.  A fully bearded man gives the highest contrast of manliness to a woman, which is why women who have experienced fully bearded men don’t want them to ever cut the beard off.  They feel supremely feminine in the presence of such a manly man.  (Of course, cultural conditioning can take away this natural affinity that women have towards manly beards.)
  • Fully bearded men have an air of authority around them that children and women (and beardless men) respond to.  There is something in our psyche that still remembers Heavenly Father and that responds to His bearded image.
  • There may be many other reasons to grow a beard, but I’ll end with this one: if the Lord ever wants to send you out among the people to prophesy like one of His prophets of old, shouldn’t you look the part?

Worldly trends to eliminate beards Can you imagine a homosexual male with a full beard?  Kind of hard to picture, isn’t it?  Ever wonder why adult, homosexual males are almost always clean shaven, or have a minimum of facial hair?  Every wonder why the “playboy” image, started by Hugh Hefner, is clean-shaven (kind of like the homosexuals?)  Homosexual males don’t have children because they don’t get into long-term, committed relationships with females (otherwise known as “marriage.”)  “Playboys” (or nowadays the term is “players”) don’t get into long term, committed relationships with females, either.  (No marriage.)  You think the parallels between homosexual males and players is mere coincidence?

How about the sex performers and industry?  The only hair on their bodies (male or female) is found on their heads (and sometimes not even that for the men.)  Ever wonder why all this shaving of armpit hair, pubic hair and facial hair?  All of the visual cues of adulthood (for men and women) are snipped off by this industry, by the homosexuals and often by the playboys.  But think about it, if you take away this hair, what does an adult look like?  Answer: A large child.

None of this is coincidence.  Just as the hair that develops during puberty is designed by God to be a visual cue that the body is becoming an adult and getting ready for its sexual function between ADULTS, the world would remove all this hair so that it looks like CHILDREN are performing these sacred acts.  Thoughts to consider.

(After writing the above, which is based upon my own, personal observations, I did some Internet surfing and came across the following web site that confirmed what I had perceived about beards.)

All About Beards (beards.org)

Pay your tithing in silver

Stop writing checks or paying in cash.  Take whatever cash amount you would spend on tithing and convert it into silver coins, specifically, this silver.  Package and mail the coins off to your bishop, along with a tithing slip inside.  Make sure the slip is filled out so that you are anonymous.

Leave boring sacrament meetings after partaking of the sacrament

If you are tired of banal, boring, lame sacrament meeting talks and seriously consider going inactive, don’t.  Just go to church, partake of the sacrament, and as soon as the priests and deacons are dismissed to sit with their families, walk out and go home. You can return later to attend the Gospel Doctrine class, Relief Society or Priesthood Meetings, if you want or need to.  If Gospel Doctrine is lame, skip that, too. (However, to remain in good standing, priesthood holders must attend their priesthood meetings, even if they are boring.)

Doing this will allow you to keep your sanity for a few more years.  Also, if enough people in your ward participate in collective ditching, the bishopric may get the message that boredom is not a generally accepted principle of the gospel and may make needed improvements to the sacrament meeting.  But don’t hold your breath on that one.

Ditch the necktie and white shirt

Last I checked, you can’t be ex’d for that, or even disfellowshipped.  But some anally retentive bishops may decide that you are no longer worthy to bless or pass the sacrament, give talks, teach classes or perform ordinances of church record, so, if you are looking for a breather from a heavy church load, conveniently make sure that every Sunday your white shirts and ties are too dirty to wear and dress in nice, comfortable, casual clothes, instead.  And if you are called to give a priesthood blessing to some sick person in the ward, don’t be anally retentive yourself and rush home to get dressed in a white shirt and tie.  Just go as you are and bless them.

Grow your hair long

Jesus did it.  Samson did it.  Who is more manly than those two?  Long hair and a full, bushy beard complement each other.  If you have the Roman hair (short cut) and the Israelite beard (full and bushy), it will almost look hypocritical, like having one foot in Babylon and one foot in Zion.  Put both feet in Zion and grow the hair out.  You’ll look a whole lot more handsome and manly if you do.  Plus, you’ll save on all the barber shop money you spend.  (Or, to appease a wife that is unaccustomed to long hair, tell her that you are going to the barber, but instead come back with chocolates and roses…and uncut hair.  She’ll soon look forward to your “barber shop” excursions and will end up being the one insisting you never cut your hair.)  If anyone asks you why you are not cutting the hair, say you are trying to be like Jesus, or that you have taken a Nazarene vow, or that you’ve noticed that your strength increases the longer your hair is, and you’ve decided to enter a strongman contest.

Call everyone brother and sister so-and-so

And I do mean everyone.  Bishops, presidents, missionaries, apostles, prophets and all General Authorities.  Everyone.  And make it part of every sentence, too, when you are called out on the practice.  So, for example: “Hello, Brother Brown.’  “Uh, I’m the bishop, Brother Green.”  “Yes, I know, Brother Brown.”  “Well, it is customary to call one’s bishop by the title bishop and not brother.”  “I was aware of that, Brother Brown.  But thanks for the information, anyway.”  You get my drift, right?  If anyone asks why you are doing this, just get all emotional and, if you are able to, shed a few tears while giving him (not her) a big hug and saying that you love him as your own brother.  Fairly quickly, no one will ask you again about it.

Print out your own set of scriptures

Include whatever canon you want.  Let it contain the four standard works (any version of the Bible you want, or multiple versions, or the red-letter version, etc.), the Apocrypha, the Inspired Version, etc.  Use a desk-top publishing program and a good printer and take it to a binding shop to get it professionally bound.  Remember, the saints set the canon.  You are a saint, so set your own canon.

Reverse the order of prayer

Instead of ending “in the name of Jesus Christ,” make it a habit of starting with “Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, …” and then end with a simple “Amen.”

Reverse the order of priesthood blessings

Instead of saying, “John Smith, by the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood, we lay our hands on you…etc.” and then ending with, “…and we leave this blessing with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen,” just begin with, “John Smith, in the name of Jesus Christ and by the authority of…” and end with, “amen.”  Sure, you”ll undoubtedly get elders telling you afterward that you screwed up the blessing and must do it again because the order was reversed, but stick to your guns and teach them a thing or two, namely, that stating the authority is what is required, not the order in which the authority is stated.

Drop all the archaic expressions of prayer

Don’t worry, you won’t tick God off by calling him “you” instead of “thee.”  Lol.  That is a Mormon cultural artifact, nothing more.  Use plain, modern English when talking to God and drop all the thees, thous, wilts, etc.  Do this in private and in public, after all, it’s going to take practice to get out of this habit.  But it’ll be well worth the effort both to witness the expressions of horror by the LDS around you after you’ve said your prayer, as well as seeing how more accepting Christians are of you when you’ve said a prayer without archaic, “holier-than-thou” expressions.

De-McConkie-ize the church: stop ending talks with “In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

This practice was started by Bruce R. McConkie.  The early saints just said, “Amen.” to end a talk, or just ended it however they wanted to end it and then sat down.  Surely you don’t think your entire talk speaks for Jesus, now do you?  So, leave off speaking in His name except for ORDINANCES which require speaking in His name and for those times when you are filled with the Spirit and are prophesying in the name of God.  (Now how many times has that happened, huh?)

Build an altar in your home

Purchase bottles of vodka and leave them out to be seen

Use the vodka to wash your bodies, as directed by the Word of Wisdom.  Make sure they are conspicuously displayed and then invite some church members over for dinner.  Have fun with the discussions that ensue.

Other ideas

Obviously, these are just ideas to get you started.  Cultural Mormons will probably call you a sinner for doing these things.  But then, they also see anarchy as evil, which it isn’t.  Just smile and do them anyway.  Eventually, the tide of Mormon cultural crap will turn.  If you have any other ideas to offer, or if you are already doing some of these or other things, feel free to leave a comment and inform us all of your experience.

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