Actually, I’m not sure that this cure will work on every asthmatic, but I’m going to make that assumption anyway and all you asthmatics, parents of asthmatics, and friends of asthmatics can prove me right, (or prove me wrong.)
Okay so, watch me single-handedly destroy all the billions in profits that the pharmaceutical industry makes on asthma medications, as I, the LDS Anarchist, with this singular post, show all asthmatics how to immediately stop an asthma attack WITHOUT ANY MEDICATION WHATSOEVER.
Here is what I want every asthmatic to do, and also every parent of an asthmatic: the next time you have an asthma attack, or your child has an asthma attack, I want you to do what this post tells you to do, or to have your child do it, and when you see that you or your child can instantly breathe, without needing an inhaler, I want you to get this message out to everyone you know. I want you to share this post far and wide, with everyone, whether they are asthmatic or not, and to send along your testimonial of what you personally observed in this bronchial-dilating effect. I also want you to put a comment down below in the comment section, with your observations and testimonial.
Although the information in this post will entirely gut the asthma profits of the pharmaceutical companies, making all asthma medication obsolete, so that they can’t and will never be able to make money on asthma again, and although this will cause the modern epidemic of asthma to go away forever, it won’t happen unless word gets out. I can put this information out on this blog of mine, but it won’t do a thing to make a dent to stop asthma unless others share this information vigorously. Post it everywhere, online, offline, whatever. If this information works on all, and I believe it will, then there is no more need for any child or adult asthmatic to ever gasp for breath again, and by Christmas-time this very year (2015), if vigorously promoted and applied, this entire nation can finally be rid of asthma, and we can then try to get the word out to the rest of the world, for the pharmaceutical industry rakes in grotesque profits in other nations, too, feeding on their ignorance.
So, I’m going to alter a singular condition among men, right now this very day, among Americans, by giving you, the American people, knowledge that no one but I alone possess, and then you go ahead and take that knowledge and tell everyone else. And please, do run with this knowledge. I have seen far too much suffering by asthma. Which, as of today, is now needless suffering. So, on to the cure:
The cause of asthma
Asthma is chronic dehydration. The body of an asthmatic is in an emergency state, in which the alarm bells are ringing, the red lights are flashing, and the body is trying, desperately, to ration every last drop of available water, so that all critical systems get what they need, at the expense of non-critical systems.
The “man” in charge of this water-rationing program sees the alert sign flashing, “Systemic Drought! All Water Must Be Rationed!” and says to his henchmen, “The stupid owner of this body still hasn’t drunk enough water. We’ve got to ration more water!”
“But, sir, there is no more water left to ration, and nothing is coming in. Plus the dummy keeps eating and drinking things that dehydrate him further!” replies the chief henchman.
“There is always more water to ration. There, over there. That water over there. Ration it,” says the “man” in charge.
“Over there,” pointing to the lungs. “See all that water vapor escaping as the idiot breathes out? Stop it from escaping. Constrict the bronchial tubes so that not so much water is lost.”
“But then he won’t be able to breathe.”
“That’s not my problem. The sign reads, ‘Systemic Drought! All Water Must Be Rationed!’ and that is what I’ve got to take care of. Besides, serves him right that he won’t be able to breathe. Maybe he’ll get the message that we need more water down here.”
“Okay, sir! As you wish. It shall be done immediately!”
And so the poor man gets an asthma attack, the bronchial tubes constricting, and he, gasping for breath has no option other than to suffer and perhaps even die, if he can’t get those bronchial tubes open again.
The pharmaceutical industry knows the cause of asthma
They know it is simply chronic dehydration. They know that if people drank more water, drank less or altogether eliminated the dehydrating beverages they drink, ate less dry food, etc., that they would not suffer the effects of asthma. It takes years to get a body into a chronically dehydrated state and it will likely take years to get the body back into a hydrated state, but telling people this information would be bad for business, so they keep their damn mouths shut. Besides, once there is an asthma attack ongoing, there is simply no way to stop it. The medication they manufacture is absolutely necessary, even if an asthmatic has begun the process of re-hydrating himself. Or so they tell themselves.
You see, these medications typically are anti-histamines, and histamine is an osmo-regulator. (Osmo means water.) So they know the exact cause of asthma (chronic dehydration) but refuse to divulge this information to the masses. And even if they told the people, they still would need to manufacture medications, because an asthma attack is impossible to stop.
Asthma attacks were impossible to stop, YESTERDAY
But today, courtesy of your friendly, neighborhood LDS Anarchist, I now know how to stop an attack in its tracks. Without medication. With better effect than any medication. Therefore, as of today, asthma attacks are your friend and are totally manageable.
Yes, I said, “Asthma attacks are your friend”
How in the world is an asthmatic going to know they are not getting enough water, if not for an asthma attack? That attack let’s you know you gotta chug down some of that life-giving fluid. Those medications that you take in pill form, which prevent asthma attacks from happening, are defeating the purpose, for now that there are no attacks, you continue in your dehydrating ways. And those inhalers also defeat the purpose, because instead of reaching for a glass of water, you just use the inhaler and the “man” in charge of water rationing in your body still doesn’t get what he needs to keep things functioning correctly. So, these medications hijack the process of re-hydration.
But there is another reason why the medications are bad: they themselves de-hydrate the body! So by using them you are exacerbating the situation.
Therefore, I want you to think of asthma attacks from now on as your body’s friendly reminder to drink some water. With the information in this post they are no longer life-threatening, therefore they should be regarded as friendly, merely as a courtesy reminder.
No more bashing on Big Pharma
From here on out I’m not going to bash on Big Pharma, because despite their despicable behavior in keeping this hydration issue from the public, they don’t know how to stop an asthma attack without medication. Only I know how to do it.
Credit given where credit is due
I owe the late Doctor Batmanghelij a debt of thanks for his research into the effects on water on the body, and more especially for his impeccable research in which he determined the exact cause of asthma: chronic dehydration. Also, he is owed gratitude for his discovery that drinking two (8-10 ounce) glasses of water will cause the adrenal glands to produce adrenaline, which will cause a bronchial-dilating effect. Unfortunately, this effect doesn’t happen instantly, but may take 15 to 20 minutes, even up to 30 minutes, before the adrenaline finally hits the lungs and soothes the savage beast. His idea was that an asthmatic should get in the habit of noticing when an asthma attack is about to happen, and when “that cough” or other sign first makes its appearance, to immediately reach for two glasses and drink them down, thus, perhaps, averting the attack, or at the very least, lessening its effect.
His strides in this area have helped a great many people, but, unfortunately, they did not altogether release the masses from their reliance upon inhalers and other medication, for if the attack was not averted, you still had to deal with it, and the only recourse was an inhaler.
Now, before continuing, I want to say something about inhalers and other asthma medications, something that every asthmatic knows or has experienced: there comes a point of dehydration in which the body is so severely dry that these medications have no effect, whatsoever. No matter how many puffs you take, or pills you pop, only a visit to the emergency room will stop the attack, via an injection, and even then, sometimes, that doesn’t work. The body doesn’t want or need those drugs, it wants water.
Okay, so another shout out goes to those Russian researchers, who, unfortunately, I don’t remember your names or the name of your research, but I read the research you guys did on asthmatics, which led me to my discovery and knowledge of how to stop an asthma attack, which discovery will be revealed in this post. I suppose they stumbled upon the effect by observing asthmatics having an asthma attack.
You see, when an asthmatic has an asthma attack, they instinctively close their mouths and breath through pursed lips. I suppose these guys thought, “Hmmm…maybe that is what you are supposed to do? Maybe if we take a bunch of asthmatics and tape their mouths almost closed, so that only a little hole allows air through, perhaps that would make them breath easier?” And they performed the experiment and had some asthmatic kids sleep with their mouths taped almost closed and they found that, sure enough, they had less or no asthma that night. (Nighttime is typically a bad time for asthmatics, when asthma attacks like to hit. This is because of the prone position of the body. I ain’t gonna explain why this is, just know that it is.)
So, kudos and credit goes out to those guys. Okay, on to the cure:
How to immediately stop an asthma attack
When an asthmatic has an asthma attack, and starts to gasp for breath, this is all he or she has to do to stop it:
1) Purse your lips so that the diameter is less than what you would use to whistle. The smaller the better.
2) Now breathe through this hole. Do one exhalation and one inhalation. It will be difficult to get the air through, but you will notice that it will be possible, despite your former gasping, for already the body has started to hijack the attack.
3) Now start to exhale. After you have started to exhale, contract your abdominal muscles and force all the air out of your lungs that you possibly can. Congratulations. Your asthma attack in now officially over.
4) Now start to inhale. You will notice that your breathing has slowed down to a freaking crawl, as if your whole body has been relaxed by some miracle drug. In truth, it probably has. This will be a first count inhalation.
5) Now exhale, still keeping the pursed lips, but don’t force the air out of your lungs. Just breathe out whatever comes out naturally.
6) Now inhale. This is your second count inhalation.
7) Now exhale.
8) Now inhale. This is your third count inhalation.
9) Now start to exhale and after you’ve started to exhale, contract your abdominals again and force all the air out again.
10) Now inhale. (1st count.) Now exhale. Now inhale. (2nd count.) Now exhale. Now inhale (3rd count.)
11) Now start to exhale, and after you’ve started to exhale, contract your abdominals again and force out all the air. This is the third and final time you will force the air out.
12) Now inhale, but this time, start enlarging the diameter of your pursed lips, still keeping the air friction up as the air goes through your lips, but just make the hole slightly larger.
13) Now exhale, and again make the hole just a tad bit larger.
14) Now inhale, and again make the hole just a little larger in diameter.
15) Now exhale, and once again make the hole a little larger.
16) Now inhale, and make the hole larger still.
17) Now close your mouth and breathe out your nose. Notice that there is no more wheezing, constricted lungs, gasping for breath. Nothing but easy breathing. The asthma attack is over and your bronchial tubes are fully dialated. Nevertheless, this bronchial-dilating effect is not permanent, but is merely temporary, therefore…
18) now that you can breathe, drink down two 8-10 ounce glasses of water.
19) If the attack comes back, just repeat the breathing technique without drinking the water afterward. Eventually, those glasses of water will activate your adrenal glands and you’ll get a long-lasting bronchial-dilation from them.
20) Congratulations. You are now officially cured of your asthma and are in total control of your condition. Just make sure you follow good hydration practices and you’ll be fine.
Why this works
I do not know why this works, but I will provide a speculation, nonetheless.
When there is an asthma attack, the body is in “Water! Water! We need water!” mode and so releases a chemical that constricts the bronchial tubes so that not so much water vapor escapes. But when you purse your lips, the body starts to switch gears immediately and the emergency message becomes, “Air! Air! We need air!” This causes the body to let up on the chemical that keeps the bronchial tubes constricted. And when you empty out all the air from your lungs, the message changes immediately to, “Holy Freaking Cow! We’re Going to Freaking Die this Very Freaking Moment if We Don’t Get Some Freaking Air In! Open the Tubes IMMEDIATELY!!!!!” And so the body stops production of the chemical which causes the bronchial tubes to constrict and immediately releases a chemical which causes them to fully dilate. Ingenious, huh?
So, this little air breathing technique causes the body to instantly switch signals and release the precise, naturally-produced chemical that opens the bronchial tubes. Asthma is now cured. You’re very welcome.
Strategies on how to re-hydrate yourself
Drink lots of water each and every day. Stay off the low-sodium diets. Salt and water is what is needed for proper hydration. Stay off the soft drinks. Stay off the hard liquor. Stay off the coffee. These beverages dehydrate more than hydrate. Eat moist, hydrated foods, whenever possible. Drink 1 to 2 glasses of water a half hour before you eat a meal. This will get your body hydrated and ready to digest the meal, because digesting food requires lots of water. If the meal is big, drink 3 glasses a half hour before. Make sure you have access to water and/or carry around a bottle of water with you.
Now that you can breathe, there is no more excuse to miss out on exercise or other strenuous activities. So get some exercise. Don’t worry about exercise-induced asthma attacks. You’ve got your breathing technique mastered, right? It is a piece of cake to do and master. Don’t worry about allergy-triggered asthma attacks. You can breathe-technique your way out of them. On those days that allergens are high, just drink more water than normal. Don’t worry about dry, hot, windy days that dehydrate you more than normal. Just drink more water on those days and perhaps, eat more salty foods.
Panic-induced asthma attacks? Not a problem with this breathing technique. So you can forget about taking your inhaler with you. If this works for you, you don’t need an inhaler or any other asthma medication. Throw the damn things out. (Asthmatics, if they forget to take their inhaler with them, or if they lose it, are totally fine until they learn that this item, which is essential for their survival, is not available. Then they panic, causing an asthma attack to take place, which can become life-threatening, now that they don’t have their inhaler with them.)
Like I said above, it likely took you years to become as dehydrated as you are, so it may take years of re-hydration to get your body back to full hydration. But it is no sweat, now that you can fully deal with attacks. And these attacks will alert you to whenever you are falling behind on your re-hydration practices. Eventually, you won’t ever have any more attacks, but continue to re-hydrate yourself anyway.
What to do with all that medication money you saved
Use it to buy full page advertisements in newspapers and magazines, telling people about this new asthma cure, or some other way to promote it. Or, if you are feeling really grateful, you can send me a thank you (Federal Reserve) note. 😉
Addendum: Four Follow-Up Comments
1st Comment— One thing I probably should have mentioned in the post is that the breathing technique can be practiced when the breathing is normal. One need not wait until an asthma attack is present to try it out.
2nd Comment— Post Clarification
1. Water is the cure for asthma, (not the breathing technique.) Water is also the asthma medication to take, (plus a little salt.) The average hydrated man needs to drink about 8 glasses of water a day to remain hydrated. An asthmatic, though, is neither hydrated, nor dehydrated. An asthmatic is chronically dehydrated. Therefore, his body is in a state of systemic drought. Land that has experienced drought for an extended period of time cannot replenish its used up water tables and reserves by an average rainy season. It requires an above average rainy season to combat drought. In the case of the asthmatic, what is needed is more like an extended Monsoon season lasting many months. This means that an asthmatic needs to drink a lot more water than merely 8 glasses a day. Perhaps as much as twice that much, or even more.
2. An asthma attack is a thirst signal, tailored specifically for the asthmatic. Asthma, then, is not a disease, but is merely a condition of chronic dehydration. Because of this, the asthma attack must be looked at as a very important indicator of the body’s state of dehydration. In other words, no one ought to try to suppress this signal with drugs. The asthmatic needs to get the message. He needs to see the signal in order to give the proper response that will address the underlying cause of this message: drinking water.
3. All asthmatics instinctively purse their lips during an asthma attack. From the very first asthma attack, the asthmatic notices right away that when his mouth is open normally, he gasps for breath, but when his lips are pursed, the gasping ceases. Unfortunately, asthmatics do not follow through with the lip pursing. They will purse their lips to exhale the air out of their lungs, and then open their mouth to try to get the air back in, which always fails because as soon as they open their mouths, they start to gasp for air. No asthmatic puts two and two together and thinks, “Maybe I should keep my lips pursed for every inhalation and every exhalation.” They don’t think this because it sounds absolutely retarded. It is counter-intuitive to think that by manually constricting the air flow using your lips that that will help you to breathe easier. So, as a result, no asthmatic tries this. However, if any asthmatic does tightly purse their lips during an attack, and keeps them pursed the entire time they are breathing, they will notice that, “Holy freaking cow! I can breathe without gasping for air!” This can be proven with any asthmatic, and I challenge all asthmatics and parents of asthmatics to prove me wrong.
In fact, parents of asthmatics, take your asthmatic child and tell them to tightly purse their lips during their next attack (without taking medication), and to breathe through that tiny hole, and then, during the attack, ask the child to tell you whether he can breathe easier, by nodding his head, “yes,” or shaking his head, “no,” so as not to open his mouth. He will nod his head, “yes.” Ask him whether he is still gasping for breath. He will shake his head, “no.”
This means that there is no asthma attack that need ever be life-threatening. As long as the lips are pursed tightly, every asthmatic can breathe through that hole, without needing any medication, whatsoever.
4. Unfortunately, as soon as your tightly pursed-lips child opens his mouth, he will start to gasp for air again. So, he can’t get that needed water (the real asthma medicine) down his throat, because when he is suffocating he can’t drink anything, for drinking requires opening his mouth, which will cause him to start to gasp for air, and drinking also requires swallowing, which requires holding your breath. Also, he won’t be able to speak, because he can’t open his mouth, (’cause he’s too busy breathing through pursed lips.) Thus, there must be a mechanism which allows him to go from “no more gasping” with his lips pursed to being able to open his mouth and swallow the required water. That mechanism is the emptying of the lungs.
5. When the asthmatic empties his lungs, it causes the breathing to slow waaaaaay down, to a veritable crawl. In other words, when he inhales after his huge exhalation of everything in his lungs, he will notice that the inhalation takes seemingly forever and goes real slow. That is the signal that he can “come out” of the pursing of the lips, which must be done slowly, or incrementally, widening the pursed lips hole bit by bit, until he is able to breathe through his nose without gasping for breath. At that point he can down the two glasses of water without a problem, and also talk to people. But the effect is only temporary. Nevertheless, he can repeat the technique as many times as he wants or needs to.
6. It is the water that is the real asthma medication, so the breathing technique is merely a tool to allow the asthmatic to get the medicine down. Once the water is down the hatch, the asthmatic merely needs to wait until those adrenal glands have been activated, and then he’ll get a long term bronchial-dilation effect. But until the adrenaline is released, he must continue to use the breathing technique, if necessary. Any time he wants to, he can drink water after using the breathing technique. More water than two glasses is not hurtful, but is beneficial to an asthmatic, but there is no need to overdo it and get so full you want to burst.
7. All the facts I have written in the post and also in these two follow-up comments are fully demonstrable. All it takes is one asthma attack in which the lips are pursed, the lungs are emptied, and the water is drunk, and everyone will observe these facts as stated. You will all see that asthma medication is now obsolete. Again, I challenge the whole freaking world to prove me wrong on this. Try the experiment for yourselves and then, once you see that this is all true, get the message out to everyone. Asthma must altogether cease to exist. There is no more need for any more asthmatic suffering.
3rd Comment— A couple more things
It is perfectly okay to experiment with the breathing technique. Everyone is different. It may be that you don’t need to fully empty the lungs three times before coming out of the lip pursing. Maybe only one time, or two times, is necessary. Or maybe you want four. Whatever works for you. Also, it may be that you don’t need to incrementally come out of the lip pursing. It may be that you can empty your lungs, start the slow inhalation and then close your mouth and breathe through your nose, without any problems. Figure this out for yourself. There is no more risk of suffocation, because you can always go back to pursing your lips and breathing again. So, I have handed you, the asthmatic, all the knowledge necessary to take full control of your asthmatic condition, without needing a doctor or a prescription medicine. You just need water and salt and a pair of lips.
4th Comment— About the salt: Unless your doctor has put you on a low sodium diet for some reason, make sure that you get the recommended daily value for sodium in your food. Also, as an asthmatic will end up drinking a lot more water than a hydrated person, just have some table salt handy when you eat and sprinkle it around, whenever you want. That should satisfy your salt needs.