In reading some of the comments on this blog I see this type of emotion.
I became a member of the Church, because I prayed and told the Lord that I wanted to find His true Church. I searched for the truth for many years. I’m a member of the Church now for many years. I love the church and the local leaders and my brothers and sister there. I love the prophet and the other general authorities. I have listened to them closely and served them faithfully. I have sacrificed much for my faith. I have done all in my power to fulfill all my covenants even to consecrate all that I am to the church. I have found out that the Church is even more true then I expected.
Reality is that as humans we are strongly effected by the contradicting ideas of the false doctrine which is now in the LDS church. I have seen people who are literally insane.
One of them I loved very much. She was my first wife.
I married her at age 23. We had a fairy tale romance. It was so wonderful. God blessed us so much. She saw a vision of light around the man who sealed us in the Salt Lake Temple. I adored her and for many years felt she was perfect. I was willing to do anything for her. But unknown to me or her she had a mental illness. By the time the mental illness got real bad about 20 years into our marriage she had me convinced that everything she said was true.
She told me over and over again how she was in tune with the spirit of God. She explained that she had lived a clean life and God was working through her. About 25 years into the marriage she convinced me that one of our 4 daughters had a real evil problem and we needed to force her out of the house. I went a long with it. This daughter was not even permitted to associated with her other adult siblings.
Then she convinced me that I had a serious problem and did not in fact love her, that I didn’t even know what love was. I resisted but eventually out of love for her I believed her and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I remember during those last 3 years I would lay in bed after hearing 5 plus hours of castigation from her and pour out my heart to God. “Please Father Please something is not right. Either I am wrong or she is. I don’t care which I don’t care if I am right or not I just want to know the truth.”
She began telling me over and over again every few days that I had to repent. Then it became every day. Then it was multiple times a day. With long and unrelenting confrontational sessions she would keep me up till all hours of the night.
She began hitting me and slapping me. But I never got mad or yelled at her. I turned the other cheek on several occasions. I tried to never ever find fault with her. I loved her so much. We had been sealed in the temple. It was my dream to be with her forever. And as she had told me she had lived a virtuous life so I believed what she told me.
She told the ward members behind my back that I was an abusive husband and had been for years. She said this to the bishop and then to her lawyers. She said I needed to sign a post nuptial agreement to save our marriage. In it I agreed that if there was a divorce she would get 100% of my money from the high paying job and 100% of the retirement if I retired (which I was eligible for). And she would get the house (which was all paid for) and everything in it. In fact we had zero debts. And a years supply of food.
She said I had to fast which I did for days at a time. She said I had to get a second job. I was working 40 hours a week making over $100,000 a year but to show I loved her I got a second job making $13.75 an hour about 20 hours a week. All the new money I made went to fix up the house.
Why did I do all this because I was convinced she was “true”. The one and only true spouse for me.
You may be wondering where the money was all going if there were no debts and I was making such good money. Why did I have to spend all the money from my part time job to fix up the house. Just a second I will tell you why.
Well 12 days after I signed the post nuptial she convinced me that to save my soul I had to divorce her.
I was so sad. I felt I had lost my chance for eternal happiness. I moved out of the house into a tiny apartment (all I could afford on my part time job since she was keeping all the money I was making from the 100K plus job). But in just 6 weeks of being away from her lies and mental abuse I was able to open my eyes and see that it was her that had been abusing me. That she was not in any way inspired by God. She was so heinous in her viciousness I think the devil may be taking notes. And she is 5th generation LDS.
Oh the money. She had been writing checks every two weeks from our joint account to her Utah Community Credit Union which she had removed my name from just weeks before the post nuptial agreement. She stuffed away about $20,000 before the judge overturned the insane divorce decree.
So why am I telling you all this? It is a cautionary tale. It is true; every word of it. The point is when you love her so much you refuse to see how corrupt she is. You are sealed to her. It is in your belief that life eternal is to obey her and do all in your power to please her. She has told you that she is virtuous, everything she says is true, that she loves you but if you doubt her then you don’t love her.
But you do love her. You want everything she says to be true. You adore her so much. She was God’s greatest gift to you. You have been through so much together. She bore you children. She was your bride. She was always the most beautiful woman in the world to you. How could you ever comprehend leaving someone that you have sacrificed so much for? The more we sacrifice for anyone or anything the more convinced we are that it is a good thing.
I have no doubt that there are and have been through the ages men and women who have given their all to what they believed was the truth. And the more they sacrificed the more they were sure it was the right thing to do. Even to the point of doing some very irrational things.
I saw plainly that God had delivered me from a prison I did not know I was in. I am completely sure given the amount of control she had over me that if I had stayed with her she would have eventually convinced me that I needed to kill myself. And I would have done it unless God intervened.
So what has this got to do with you?
Babylon has a religion. Just as there is not a whole nebulous group of governments which constitute the present day Babylonian empire, so there is not a nebulous cloud of churches. Satan has picked the one church to infiltrate. And he has done it. After the death of the true witnesses of Christ (the original 11 and then Matthias and Paul and a couple others) Satan chose the remnant of the Christian faith to join to his then Babylonian Kingdom, the Roman empire.
Will he do it again? I don’t know to what degree. But he has already infiltrated the LDS church so deeply that the members are programmed to say and act upon this saying, “I don’t care what the brethren say, I will follow them because it is God’s true church.”
Should every member of Christ true church be saying, “I don’t care what the Brethren say, I will take the Holy Spirit as my guide and not be deceived.” Or maybe, “I will prove all things that any man or group of men say by the Spirit of God.”
Oh but you can’t do that I remember one of the Brethren said I am supposed to trust what they say more than what I get from God directly. He said that I “cannot communicate reliably through the direct, personal line if [I am]… out of harmony with the priesthood line.” (April Conference 2010 Dallin H. Oaks). So that means I can tell if I am listening to a false spirit by whether or not what I receive from it is in 100% agreement with what I hear from the Brethren. So if I think the Brethren might be wrong that is proof positive that I am in sin and cut off from the spirit of God and I am the one who is wrong.
Wow just exactly like my first wife. How clever.
Now my brothers and sister you know this is what you are being taught. Why then does anyone need to pray? Oh to get personal guidance right. But we can’t get personal revelation which would ever tell us if the church were in apostasy, can we?
Well don’t worry we have been told that the first presidency and the 12 apostles will never lead the members of the church astray.
By whom were we told that? By the voice of God? Is it in the scriptures? Is that what the Book of Mormon teaches?
Oh by one of the men who we are taught to trust above our own personal revelation?
Imagine you are told that there is an organization dedicated to the pursuit of truth and light. And then you are told that the leaders of this organization are all taught that if they disagree with the head of the organization then they are not capable of seeing the truth. Can you at least see the total lack of credibility such an organization has in reality? Or at least how anyone who follows the teachings of such an organization is prone to being mislead?
Yes don’t worry my 5th generation LDS wife told me she would never be lead astray also.
A parting shot. As long as I subjected myself to the constant indoctrination of my first wife God could never get the truth in to my head. There were countless times I had real strong questions and doubts. But each time I went to talk to her about them I was beaten down and threatened with my salvation if I disagreed with her. She would get angry and I feared her anger. I was used to doing what she said so I did not get chastised. I could see the obvious actions which would prove to any rational person that she was either evil or insane. But I did not act upon rational ideas. I acted on faith and love and a desire to always be with her. I acted on fear of punishment and desire for approval.
I have stopped going to the LDS church now for over a year. I have received my own tribal ordinances now. I did not know it before I did it but it freed me from the obligation to be under the thumb of the LDS leaders. I know God still guides me. I know he is pleased with me.
I can read what the LDS leaders are saying with a new perspective. Brother and sister it is pathetic what those men have substituted for the truth of God. God does have things He wants us to know and learn. But they will not come to you from the drunkards of Ephraim. You are being programmed to do what the Babylonian Empire Satan’s earthly government wants you to do. That is the main purpose of the church now. And they use access to the ordinances of salvation as the carrot and stick to keep you in line. Sorry to tell you. Your wife is insane.